xanthan gum

Frankly, what Brian was saying what that it had beautiful images but no point. It's almost like it's half finished. you can make it twice more meaningful by adding a ...

this was good. a bit morbid and dark, but i can't complain as i've written similar. despite the slight off-rhythm beat, which is okay, but odd, it was relatively good.

this sounded great, and i knew it had a clear theme but i couldn't pin-point more than just a vague feeling of cities, sewers and slight disgust.

the way you said you knew how this line is awkward to me. i actually enjoyed the rhyme scheme, though the rhythm seems off-beat. sometimes the simplest rhymes actually can, ...

i just suggest you go through your writing and pick out where the writing seems forced, then fix it. i'm sure you can find it.

gah! you've posted this poem twice. oh well - no matter. i just critiqued it over there, instead.

As a suggestion, I would cut out a couple of the "and"s in front of the lines to make it seem less linear and more like a flowing work of ...

i really enjoyed this. it bore some disturbing images, but they stuck within my mind. and ancient, more ancient saying ancient twice in four words/one line really bugs me.

it was supposed to be "swallowing our ribbons." hha :oops: and "painted faces" i really have to work out typos...

all i can say is that i enjoyed this new style of yours compared to your prior works. please pursue this format further.

i agree that the rhymes seem forced. some problem rhythm places: Every time I'm around him, I am acting fake. every time i'm around him, I'm acting a fake? i ...

um was that directed at me? if it was or wasnt, i thought it was one of the better things you've written.

haha sorry - that's what spellcheck will do to you, Griffinkeeper. thanks.

And the souls can't flee. this line sounded awkward to me. otherwise, i most definitely think you should pusue poetry. you have a good taste for it.

enjoyed the revised. good.